Some key excerpts that I want to keep around for later from the book.
These are the final two paragraphs of the book.
'Social responsibility is not the special province of masculinity; it's the lifelong work of all citizens in a community where people are knit together by meaningful and mutual concerns. But if husbanding society is not the exclusive calling of "husbands," all the better for men's future. Because as men struggle to free themselves from their crisis, their task is not, in the end, to figure out how to be masculine - rather, their masculinity lies in figuring out how to be human. The men who worked at the Long Beach Naval Shipyard didn't come there and learn their crafts as riggers, welders, and boilermakers to be masculine; they were seeking something worthwhile to do. Their sense of their own manhood flowed out of their utility in a society, not the other way around. Conceiving of masculinity as something to be turns manliness into a detachable entity, at which point it instantly becomes ornamental, and about as innately "masculine" as fake eyelashes are inherently "feminine." Michael Bernhardt was one man who came to understand this in his difficult years after he returned from Vietnam. "All these years I was trying to be all these stereotypes" of manhood, he said, "and what was the use?... I'm beginning to think now of not even defining it anymore. I'm beginning to think now just in terms of people."From this discovery follow others, like the knowledge that he no longer has to live by the "scorecard" his nation handed him. He can begin to conceive of other ways of being "human," and hence, of being a man.
And so with the mystery of men's nonrebellion comes the glimmer of an opening, an opportunity for men to forge a rebellion commensurate with women's and, in the course of it, to create a new paradigm for human progress that will open doors for both sexes. That was, and continues to be, feminism's dream, to create a freer, more humane world. Feminists have pursued it, particularly in the last two centuries, with great determination and passion. In the end, though, it will remain a dream without the strength and courage of men who are today faced with a historic opportunity: to learn to wage a battle against no enemy, to own a frontier of human liberty, to act in the service of a brotherhood that includes us all.'
Also from the last chapter, but close to the beginning:
'...From the start, I intended to talk to the men in this book about such matters as work, sports, marriage, religion, war, and entertainment.I didn't go to them originally to ask about their fathers. But they insisted that I do so. Over and over, the breakdown of loyalty in the public domain brought my male guides face-to-face with the collapse of some personal patrimony. Behind all the public double crosses, they sense, lay their fathers' desertion.
This connection between the public and the paternal betrayals sensed more than reasoned. The men I came to know talked about their fathers' failures in the most private and pesonal terms, pointing inevitably to small daily letdowns that were their most visible disappointments: "My father didn't teach me how to throw a ball" or "My father never cam to my Little League games" or "My father was always at work." That they had felt neglected as boys in the home, that their fathers had emotionally or even literally abandoned the family circle, was painful enough. But they suspected that in some way hard to grasp, much less describe, their fathers had deserted them in the public realm, too. "My father never taught me how to be a man" was the refrain I heard over and over again. "I was not guided by my father," Jack Schat, from the domestic-violence group, said to me once, his voice full of anguish. Having a father was supposed to mean having an older man show you how the world worked and how to find your place in it. Down the generations, the father wasn't simply a good sport who played backyard catch, took his son to ball games, or paid for his education. He was a human bridge connecting the boy to an adult life of public engagement and responsibility. That was why shipyard worker Ernie McBride, Jr. took me to meet his father: Ernie McBride, Sr., had taught him "how to be a man," not by playing sports or brining home a paycheck, but by leading a meaningful life - by being the kind of man who would struggle against racism at a shipyard union local, a neighborhood grocery store, a public school; by being a man whose actions mattered to a society he cared about.
For centuries, of course, fathers have disappointed, neglected, abused, abandoned their sons. But there was something particularly unexpected, and so particularly disturbing, about the nature of the paternal desertion that unfolded in the years after World War II, precisely because it coincided with a period of unprecedented abundance. In the generation before the war, millions of fathers failed to support their families, and hordes of them abandoned their households, became itinerant laborers, hoboes, winos. But that was the fault of the Great Depression, not of the men. By contrast, the post-World War II era was the moment of America's great bounty and ascendance, when the nation and thus its fathers were said to own the world. Never, or so their sons were told, did fathers have so much to pass on as at the peak of the American Century. And conversely, never was there such a burden on the sons to learn how to run a world they would inherit. Yet the fathers, with all the force of fresh victory and moral virtue behind them, seemingly unfettered in their paternal power and authority, failed to pass the mantle, the knowledge, all that power and authority, on to their sons.
If only the fathers could have explained why. Because the men I got to know could have borne even their fathers' failure to bestow a legacy, ; they could have weathered the disappointment of a broken patrimony. What undid them was their fathers' silence. The sons grew up with fathers who so often seemed spectral, there and yet not there, "heads" of household strangely disconnected from the familial body. The nonpresent presence of paternal ghosts haunted long after the sons had left home, made families of their own. An aching sadness remained. Men spoke to me of waiting, year after year, for a sign, a late-night confidence, a death-bed confession, even - desperately - a letter delivered posthumously, for any moment that would decode the mystery of their mute fathers. "My dad was real quiet," Dennie Elliott, of the Glendora Promise Keepers, said to me one afternoon, his voice more mournful than bitter. "You could sit in a room and if he said a dozen words in an afternoon, you were lucky. We'd always say, 'Wonder what Dad's thinking?'" Dennie would never find out. "In all the time I knew my father, he only me, 'Always be good at what you do,' and 'Don't be later - always be on time.'"
As I was finishing this book, a new novel by sociologist and former antiwar activist Todd Gitlin arrived in the mail. When I had talked to Gitlin many months earlier, he had told me he was working on a father-son story that he thought might be of interest. Sacrifice turned out to be the tale of an adult son whose inexplicable and estranged father has just died, having either jumped or fallen in front of a subway train, the son doesn't know which. The father has left him an inheritance of sorts: a stack of diaries from "the abandonment years," in which he has inscribed, sometimes moment by moment, his innermost thoughts, yearnings, secrets. "He thought these materials were yours by right," the father's attorney tells the grown son. "He wanted you to have them." And the emotionally starved son devours them, not wanting the words to end. "Father, say more," he appeals to the dust-covered books, "I can take it." The novel is the eloquent, mature reprise of a boy's fantasy, a fantasy shared by so many grown postwar sons: that salvation may come through paternal speech, by a father's silence broken at last.
That layer of paternal betrayal felt, for many of the men I spent time with, like the innermost core, the artichoke's bitter heart. The fathers had made them a promise, and then had not made good on it. They had lied. The world they had promised had never been delivered. But some of the men fathomed that there was yet one more level within, a betrayal deeper than that of personal or public male elders. It was a betrayal so all-encompassing that, as a few men understood, it could hardly be blamed on the fathers. Its tsunami force had swamped the fathers as well as the sons. Its surge had washed all the men of the American Century into a swirling ocean of larger-than-life, ever-transmitting images in which usefulness to society meant less and less and celebrityhood ever more, where even one's appearance proved an unstable currency. It wasn't that real work had disappeared or that men weren't still doing it, and it wasn't that men were no longer needed in their communities. But now even the most traditional of craftsmen and community builders lived in a world where personal worth was judged in ornamental terms: Were they "sexy"? Were they "known"? Had they "won"?
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
2011 - Postmortem
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
I got into Mint, the online budgeting tool, and was really diligent about getting everything - spending and income and every account that the website could connect to - on it. In the last two months I started keeping track of my cash transactions as I got annoyed at the paucity of data I had about my cash transactions.
I went to Bonnaroo. I have been to few concerts I think, relative to most folks in my age cohort, and I think zero music festival type events up until then. It was punishingly hot from 8 am until 9 pm, and all the best acts were after 7 pm until about 3 am, so I got very little sleep for those four/five days in mid June. I would love to go again.
Thanks to the efforts of Nick and his posse out of Georgia Tech, I went as part of an awesome group of people to the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, something I had wanted to attend very badly for years when I was younger. I was a little too old and out of the video game scene for it to be the true extravaganza my youthful self envisioned, and the logistics of a big group of people with rather diverse agendas for the trip made things a little trying at times, but the overall experience was fun and seeing all the goofy stuff I had only seen in old photos from E3s of bygone days in person was a treat.
My middle school self may have this over me, but I spent a lot more time at the public libraries this year than I think I ever have before.
As a result of above, I have read a lot more non-fiction books this year without their having been assigned reading for a class than I ever have before. It turns out that there is actually stuff that's interesting to read in them if you look at the right ones.
Others (this is getting long):
-learned how to do some basic coding in a few software languages
-used my ability to program code to solve problems
-bought a membership in Capital BikeShare
-biked more miles than ever before
-bought a smartphone and paid for my own cell phone plan
-took a college class not at my alma mater
-paid more for a gym membership in one year than I probably thought I would spend in three
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really make New Year's resolutions, on the grounds that they are practically by definition the kinds of things we all say we should do and then promptly stop doing. I like to use the end of the year and the start of the new as a time to reflect and to adjust, hence grabbing these questions and using them to fuel this post. I really hate to resolve to do things when I am pretty sure I won't do actually do them (why wouldn't you just do them then??). I can say that I have made incremental changes in my lifestyle over the course of this year, that I plan to continue incrementing these changes, and that I believe this approach is the best way to affect change in my behavior.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? .
I don't think so.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My mother's sister died this year, in August. Julie was younger than my mother and died due to breast cancer. I feel bad about it, but this is kind of a stretch because I hadn't been very close with her in recent years. Of all my mother's side of the family, I knew her best and I still use the socks she made for me to keep my feet warm at night during winter.
5. What countries did you visit?
U-S-A! U-S-A! Honestly, I kind of want to count the Chattanooga area of Tennessee.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Job security, more restraint in my at times prodigal spending habits, more expertise in programming, a voice in America's government (Alan Grayson for Congress!), something at least resembling a healthy romantic relationship, less adipose body tissue, fewer useless material possessions
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Dates don't tend to stick well with me, but seeing Buffalo Springfield perform at Bonnaroo was amazing. I didn't know who they were coming in to the show, but I dimly remember knowing they were the artists behind "there's something happening here / and what it is ain't exactly clear" in years prior. They rocked! The final number, "Keep on Rocking in the Free World" is definitely etched in my memory and cemented them as my favorite act at the festival.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Eliminating a significant portion of my credit card debt. The peace of mind I gained from knowing that I don't have a bunch of maxed out cards to pay off now is almost worth more to me than the money I am saving not paying usurious interest rates.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Oh, so many choices! Not restraining my spend-happy self more this year meant the difference between 'significant portion' and 'all' of my credit card debt. Not working harder at learning to code while at work. Consequently not getting any FTE offers and remaining a contractor. Numerous disappointments inflicted on those who care about me.
10. Did you suffer from illness or injury?
Icrashed into a large potted plant happened to fall while riding a bike I had checked out. Thankfully I was wearing a helmet (something I usually do but really that should be always) and all I did was scuff up my elbows and knees a little. No particular illnesses laid me low in my recollection - which is good because I am allotted neither vacation nor sick days in my current job.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I am very slightly inclined to say my membership with BikeShare has been the highest net gain, but that would be a lie. I was advised by a very intelligent coworker that the utility for the best thing I bought was very high, and he was right. Having a smartphone is amazingly useful, especially when you don't have a functional computer at home.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nick, for his patience and for his dogged determination to be a good friend and a better person. My sister, who has had to work hard to rebuild her life in the last three years. My mother, who had a miserable last three years but hopefully will never endure such a cluster of nasty shocks ever again. I would say me ditto, but I feel like I lucked into what I needed to rebuild more than I worked for it. Not that I didn't have some tight calls along the way, but those were a few years ago. It's been a tough few years for the three of us though and it makes me happy that we seem to be making it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Other than mine? One person managed, but the details aren't something I'm going into here.
14. Where did most of your money go?
According to Mint: "Food & Dining". That's right folks. I spent more on food in a year than I did on rent, and it's embarrassingly not even close. Granted, 'food' includes my budget for booze, so it wasn't all food...
15. What did you get really, really, really, really excited about?
PAX - it combined my love of video games, flying on Virgin America, being in the Pacific Northwest, and being in the company of excellent people.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Despite the etching of the aforementioned "Keep on Rocking in the Free World", the honor goes to "The Suburbs" by the Arcade Fire (also heard live at Bonnaroo).
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. happier or sadder? Happier
2. thinner or fatter? Thinner (I think)
3. richer or poorer? Richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving, learning, reading, working out, building things for others
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Pretending that I could keep letting things go on the way they were, being selfish
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I'm guessing that these questions assume I am answering prior to Christmas of 2011... whoops. I spent Christmas at a coworker's place. It was odd being around such a multigenerational group and not having any of them be related to me. The closest approximation is a wedding, but weddings are -thankfully- a lot sexier than this was. The food was good and it was a healthier way to spend Christmas than I did in 2010 (alone and at a terrible bar - not terrible in a good way like a dive bar, just a normal bar so shitty that you wish you had gone to a dive bar; never go to Town Tavern in Adams Morgan).
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Probably my mother? I don't spend much time on the phone with folks.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I met a dreamboat of a girl in the fall one awesome night that I have never found again, despite repeated attempts (note to self: next time you meet a girl like that, it doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend, get her number).
23. How many one-night stands?
One and a very frustrating half
24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Wire! Oh wow. I started watching it during the Thanksgiving weekend and have been watching DVDs from the library when I can find the disc with the next episodes; the DCPL system has many virtues, but their hold system for DVDs does not work for TV shows - they need to give the different numbered discs different call numbers.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No one I know personally. I tend to reserve hate for very awful things or people. Chris Dodd, maybe.
26. What was the best book you read?
Tough call this year. Because I'm still reading it and I can't decide between all the other candidates, I will say Stiffed by Susan Faludi. I didn't expect to get grabbed so strongly by it, but she lead with labor unions being shuttered in favor of defense contractors and I was hooked.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Willful misinterpretation: there's a song called "No Return" by a rapper who goes by Canibus. FOR YEARS, this song eluded me. It was on a mix CD that a former roommate found in a gym, so neither of us knew what was on it, but it was a great collection of hip-hop and I particularly liked the chorus for this one. My poor ability to decipher lyrics made it hard for me to find out what the song was, and my former roommate's and my own forgetfulness meant that I kept forgetting that I really wanted to know what the hell this song was. Anyway, this year I had my handy smartphone with me when the song came on, so I looked up a block of text via Google hoping to match with a lyrics site. Little did I know that this was only the beginning (but we are about halfway). Now, the thing I really liked about the song was the beat and the chorus, but I couldn't figure out what the chorus was. I attributed it to bad hearing all this time, so I was happy to find the song name so I could find out what the chorus was. But the lyrics site just said. Infuriated, I checked more sites. ALL OF THEM DID THE SAME THING. Enough coincidence of no one knowing what the words were convinced me that enemy action, not my incompetence, was the culprit though. So I kept digging and eventually discovered that the chorus was actually a traditional Hebrew song! Sadly, the translation revealed that the chorus didn't match up very well with the verses and significantly lowered my opinion of the artist and the song... but that was definitely a great musical discovery I made. If you look the song up on Rap Genius, I'm the one who put in the explanation about it.
28. What did you want and get?
A smartphone, bikeshare membership, a few video games that I don't have time to play
29. What did you want and not get?
A non-contractor version of being employed at the place I work now, respect, honesty
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Honestly I didn't watch many movies this year. I did catch the new Star Trek movie I guess. It was good - which probably makes it the best Star Trek movie ever made - but I am kind of unwilling to say that was my favorite on the grounds that I must have seen _something_ better than that this year.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my literal birthday, a Thursday, I bought and lugged an enormous charcoal grill from Logan Circle in Washington DC almost all the way to a friend's house in Crystal City Virginia with nothing but my hands and the Metro. Once I got there I used my bikeshare membership to get a bike and use it as a makeshift cart because I despaired of my exhausted muscles being able to haul the thing the rest of the way to my friend's house. As I struggled to keep the enormous box perched precariously on the bicycle, a gorgeous woman 1) laughed at me 2) and then offered to help. She helped me cart it to her nearby home and drove it and me the rest of the way. Then she doggedly got past my initial polite 'no further help necessary' and drove me to the nearby grocery store where I wanted to gather supplies for my planned party that Saturday. Naturally, I asked for her number and invited her to attend. Sadly, she did not attend and did not reply to subsequent texts. I turned 27. The party itself was the following Saturday. It was not quite the soiree that 26 was, but I will count myself a very lucky man if I ever manage to throw a party that I feel goes at least that well ever again. It was similar to the last one in the sense that I had a lot of help from last minute conscriptions of good friends that made it possible. I owe it to my friends to put more planning into this year's party (actually, consider that a resolution for the year).
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting hired by my current indirect employer
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Stretching the limits of how long one can continue to wear the same 'business' clothes (I really need to start replacing that part of my wardrobe).
34. What kept you sane?
Having good friends, and having oodles of money compared to prior years
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't spend a lot of time lusting after celebrity and public "figures", but I suppose this year I noticed Kim Kardashian for the first time. It probably was because of all the TVs on the cardio machines at my gym. Invariably one of them was tuned to the E! channel, which really should be renamed The Kardashian Channel.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The illegal assassination of Anwar al-Awlaki by Presidential fiat without judicial review or any public evidence of any crime. The debt ceiling nonsense and repeated government shutdown brinksmanship would have won most other years, but that's the very definition of tyranny and it sickens me that it barely moved the needle of public opinion.
37. Who did you miss?
Old loves, new ones, no one that I swung at (no one)
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Quite possibly Matilda
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
Poisoned wells might not kill you immediately, but they will if you don't cleanse the source or stop drinking from them.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Sometimes I can't believe it / I'm moving past the feeling
I got into Mint, the online budgeting tool, and was really diligent about getting everything - spending and income and every account that the website could connect to - on it. In the last two months I started keeping track of my cash transactions as I got annoyed at the paucity of data I had about my cash transactions.
I went to Bonnaroo. I have been to few concerts I think, relative to most folks in my age cohort, and I think zero music festival type events up until then. It was punishingly hot from 8 am until 9 pm, and all the best acts were after 7 pm until about 3 am, so I got very little sleep for those four/five days in mid June. I would love to go again.
Thanks to the efforts of Nick and his posse out of Georgia Tech, I went as part of an awesome group of people to the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, something I had wanted to attend very badly for years when I was younger. I was a little too old and out of the video game scene for it to be the true extravaganza my youthful self envisioned, and the logistics of a big group of people with rather diverse agendas for the trip made things a little trying at times, but the overall experience was fun and seeing all the goofy stuff I had only seen in old photos from E3s of bygone days in person was a treat.
My middle school self may have this over me, but I spent a lot more time at the public libraries this year than I think I ever have before.
As a result of above, I have read a lot more non-fiction books this year without their having been assigned reading for a class than I ever have before. It turns out that there is actually stuff that's interesting to read in them if you look at the right ones.
Others (this is getting long):
-learned how to do some basic coding in a few software languages
-used my ability to program code to solve problems
-bought a membership in Capital BikeShare
-biked more miles than ever before
-bought a smartphone and paid for my own cell phone plan
-took a college class not at my alma mater
-paid more for a gym membership in one year than I probably thought I would spend in three
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really make New Year's resolutions, on the grounds that they are practically by definition the kinds of things we all say we should do and then promptly stop doing. I like to use the end of the year and the start of the new as a time to reflect and to adjust, hence grabbing these questions and using them to fuel this post. I really hate to resolve to do things when I am pretty sure I won't do actually do them (why wouldn't you just do them then??). I can say that I have made incremental changes in my lifestyle over the course of this year, that I plan to continue incrementing these changes, and that I believe this approach is the best way to affect change in my behavior.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? .
I don't think so.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My mother's sister died this year, in August. Julie was younger than my mother and died due to breast cancer. I feel bad about it, but this is kind of a stretch because I hadn't been very close with her in recent years. Of all my mother's side of the family, I knew her best and I still use the socks she made for me to keep my feet warm at night during winter.
5. What countries did you visit?
U-S-A! U-S-A! Honestly, I kind of want to count the Chattanooga area of Tennessee.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Job security, more restraint in my at times prodigal spending habits, more expertise in programming, a voice in America's government (Alan Grayson for Congress!), something at least resembling a healthy romantic relationship, less adipose body tissue, fewer useless material possessions
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Dates don't tend to stick well with me, but seeing Buffalo Springfield perform at Bonnaroo was amazing. I didn't know who they were coming in to the show, but I dimly remember knowing they were the artists behind "there's something happening here / and what it is ain't exactly clear" in years prior. They rocked! The final number, "Keep on Rocking in the Free World" is definitely etched in my memory and cemented them as my favorite act at the festival.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Eliminating a significant portion of my credit card debt. The peace of mind I gained from knowing that I don't have a bunch of maxed out cards to pay off now is almost worth more to me than the money I am saving not paying usurious interest rates.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Oh, so many choices! Not restraining my spend-happy self more this year meant the difference between 'significant portion' and 'all' of my credit card debt. Not working harder at learning to code while at work. Consequently not getting any FTE offers and remaining a contractor. Numerous disappointments inflicted on those who care about me.
10. Did you suffer from illness or injury?
I
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I am very slightly inclined to say my membership with BikeShare has been the highest net gain, but that would be a lie. I was advised by a very intelligent coworker that the utility for the best thing I bought was very high, and he was right. Having a smartphone is amazingly useful, especially when you don't have a functional computer at home.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nick, for his patience and for his dogged determination to be a good friend and a better person. My sister, who has had to work hard to rebuild her life in the last three years. My mother, who had a miserable last three years but hopefully will never endure such a cluster of nasty shocks ever again. I would say me ditto, but I feel like I lucked into what I needed to rebuild more than I worked for it. Not that I didn't have some tight calls along the way, but those were a few years ago. It's been a tough few years for the three of us though and it makes me happy that we seem to be making it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Other than mine? One person managed, but the details aren't something I'm going into here.
14. Where did most of your money go?
According to Mint: "Food & Dining". That's right folks. I spent more on food in a year than I did on rent, and it's embarrassingly not even close. Granted, 'food' includes my budget for booze, so it wasn't all food...
15. What did you get really, really, really, really excited about?
PAX - it combined my love of video games, flying on Virgin America, being in the Pacific Northwest, and being in the company of excellent people.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Despite the etching of the aforementioned "Keep on Rocking in the Free World", the honor goes to "The Suburbs" by the Arcade Fire (also heard live at Bonnaroo).
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. happier or sadder? Happier
2. thinner or fatter? Thinner (I think)
3. richer or poorer? Richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving, learning, reading, working out, building things for others
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Pretending that I could keep letting things go on the way they were, being selfish
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I'm guessing that these questions assume I am answering prior to Christmas of 2011... whoops. I spent Christmas at a coworker's place. It was odd being around such a multigenerational group and not having any of them be related to me. The closest approximation is a wedding, but weddings are -thankfully- a lot sexier than this was. The food was good and it was a healthier way to spend Christmas than I did in 2010 (alone and at a terrible bar - not terrible in a good way like a dive bar, just a normal bar so shitty that you wish you had gone to a dive bar; never go to Town Tavern in Adams Morgan).
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Probably my mother? I don't spend much time on the phone with folks.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I met a dreamboat of a girl in the fall one awesome night that I have never found again, despite repeated attempts (note to self: next time you meet a girl like that, it doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend, get her number).
23. How many one-night stands?
One and a very frustrating half
24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Wire! Oh wow. I started watching it during the Thanksgiving weekend and have been watching DVDs from the library when I can find the disc with the next episodes; the DCPL system has many virtues, but their hold system for DVDs does not work for TV shows - they need to give the different numbered discs different call numbers.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No one I know personally. I tend to reserve hate for very awful things or people. Chris Dodd, maybe.
26. What was the best book you read?
Tough call this year. Because I'm still reading it and I can't decide between all the other candidates, I will say Stiffed by Susan Faludi. I didn't expect to get grabbed so strongly by it, but she lead with labor unions being shuttered in favor of defense contractors and I was hooked.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Willful misinterpretation: there's a song called "No Return" by a rapper who goes by Canibus. FOR YEARS, this song eluded me. It was on a mix CD that a former roommate found in a gym, so neither of us knew what was on it, but it was a great collection of hip-hop and I particularly liked the chorus for this one. My poor ability to decipher lyrics made it hard for me to find out what the song was, and my former roommate's and my own forgetfulness meant that I kept forgetting that I really wanted to know what the hell this song was. Anyway, this year I had my handy smartphone with me when the song came on, so I looked up a block of text via Google hoping to match with a lyrics site. Little did I know that this was only the beginning (but we are about halfway). Now, the thing I really liked about the song was the beat and the chorus, but I couldn't figure out what the chorus was. I attributed it to bad hearing all this time, so I was happy to find the song name so I could find out what the chorus was. But the lyrics site just said
28. What did you want and get?
A smartphone, bikeshare membership, a few video games that I don't have time to play
29. What did you want and not get?
A non-contractor version of being employed at the place I work now, respect, honesty
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Honestly I didn't watch many movies this year. I did catch the new Star Trek movie I guess. It was good - which probably makes it the best Star Trek movie ever made - but I am kind of unwilling to say that was my favorite on the grounds that I must have seen _something_ better than that this year.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my literal birthday, a Thursday, I bought and lugged an enormous charcoal grill from Logan Circle in Washington DC almost all the way to a friend's house in Crystal City Virginia with nothing but my hands and the Metro. Once I got there I used my bikeshare membership to get a bike and use it as a makeshift cart because I despaired of my exhausted muscles being able to haul the thing the rest of the way to my friend's house. As I struggled to keep the enormous box perched precariously on the bicycle, a gorgeous woman 1) laughed at me 2) and then offered to help. She helped me cart it to her nearby home and drove it and me the rest of the way. Then she doggedly got past my initial polite 'no further help necessary' and drove me to the nearby grocery store where I wanted to gather supplies for my planned party that Saturday. Naturally, I asked for her number and invited her to attend. Sadly, she did not attend and did not reply to subsequent texts. I turned 27. The party itself was the following Saturday. It was not quite the soiree that 26 was, but I will count myself a very lucky man if I ever manage to throw a party that I feel goes at least that well ever again. It was similar to the last one in the sense that I had a lot of help from last minute conscriptions of good friends that made it possible. I owe it to my friends to put more planning into this year's party (actually, consider that a resolution for the year).
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting hired by my current indirect employer
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Stretching the limits of how long one can continue to wear the same 'business' clothes (I really need to start replacing that part of my wardrobe).
34. What kept you sane?
Having good friends, and having oodles of money compared to prior years
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't spend a lot of time lusting after celebrity and public "figures", but I suppose this year I noticed Kim Kardashian for the first time. It probably was because of all the TVs on the cardio machines at my gym. Invariably one of them was tuned to the E! channel, which really should be renamed The Kardashian Channel.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The illegal assassination of Anwar al-Awlaki by Presidential fiat without judicial review or any public evidence of any crime. The debt ceiling nonsense and repeated government shutdown brinksmanship would have won most other years, but that's the very definition of tyranny and it sickens me that it barely moved the needle of public opinion.
37. Who did you miss?
Old loves, new ones, no one that I swung at (no one)
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Quite possibly Matilda
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
Poisoned wells might not kill you immediately, but they will if you don't cleanse the source or stop drinking from them.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Sometimes I can't believe it / I'm moving past the feeling
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